Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
