All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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