i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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