Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
