So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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