Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
