So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They are going to name an STD after you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
