Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
