they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
