I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
