if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
