Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
