i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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