He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
