my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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