i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
