it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just gargled with NyQuil
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
