I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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