i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
