Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
