dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
