I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Terrible idea I love it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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