I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
