I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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