dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
