Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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