ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
