So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no you cant smoke seaweed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
