just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
