we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
