You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
