Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
