i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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