first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
