You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
