fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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