my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
