it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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