But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
