Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
