Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
