im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
