Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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