Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
