Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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