YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
