My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
