i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
