why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
