Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
