So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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