The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
