do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
