Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Randomize
